English - Writing
Thank you for sending in your lovely story Gabriel. You have use lots of description - expanded noun phrases and adverbials. Take care with tenses - you have switched between past and present here. 5HP
You have divided you biography up into paragraphs by time and topic Gabriel - well done. You have also used fronted adverbials and commas well. Remember to use formal writing in biographies - 'child' instead of 'kid'
Thank you for sending in your news report Louis. Your layout is excellent - well done for using columns. You can clearly see the 5 W's in your introduction and you have used both direct and reported speech. Remember to use commas after your fronted adverbials. 6HP
Well done Thehansa - I can see you've tried really hard with your speech punctuation here and have used a very original and fun idea for your poem! 10HP
You can now read Zaine's and Libby's stories in full below:
Great effort both of you!
Zaine - you have used punctuation well, including speech punctuation. Take care not to miss out words when writing up.
Libby - you've used some good description here to really paint a picture in the reader's mind. Remember a comma when you use more that one adjective to describe a noun :)
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Alice's excellent play script. 10HP - what a marvellous modrern twist on a traditional fairytale. Super layout too - it looks just as a play script should.
Great use of fronted adverbials here Ben Well done. 5HP
Great advert for a hangman's noose from Izzy. I especially like her use of rhetorical questions. 5HP
Thehansa's 'Story of Bravery'
Andrew's story - 5hp
I love your beginning 'In a land of misery and sorrow...' Some other great vocabulary here too. Try to remember capital letters after your full stops Andrew. Sorry that this is sideways!
Alice's story. You can click on it to open up the document and see the end!
You set the scene very well in this story Alice. I also love your use of speech and the synonyms of said you've used. Remember to begin a new line for a new speaker. 15HP
Great story Gabriel! I like your use of rhetorical questions and you've used speech punctuation well. Be careful not to muddle up past and present tense. 10HP
What an amazing story Connie! You have used the weather to create atmosphere so well and your vocabulary use is extremely ambitious. Well done for using lots of fronted adverbials too - remember your commas next time :) 15HP
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Excellent biscuit instructions Alice. They look delicious! 8HP.